It's The Thought That Matters

Dear Isaiah of the past,

Looking back at my life and my past self a couple of years back, I realised that I’m much happier now than I was before. For the past 2 years, especially near the end of 2009, I had one of the best feelings on Earth that no one could describe. Pure bliss and the feeling of love was so fresh and it had the taste that got me wanting for more. Then again, I failed to notice that I was addicted to it that I hadn’t been out exploring the world which I was supposed to at that age. So there I was, happily going through life and eventually pain and agony at the start of 2011 but I honestly want to thank this particular person who gave me a chance to love and be loved, made me feel wanted, supported me so much in whatever I did and also for giving my heart back to me when we felt that both of our hearts didn’t belong to each other anymore. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t have done better for her. Being in a closed relationship, limited time together outside and even on the phone and also some of the promises that I have failed to fulfill. I don’t blame anyone but myself for this and I certainly wish her the best in whatever she does and also with the person whom she will walk along with for the rest of her life. Now, I hate to say this but thank her for also showing you her true colours. Because of what has happened after we separated, I finally knew who my friends really were and who I could trust in the future. I’ve always treated him like my own brother. Listening to his tales, helped him whenever he needed it and offered him whatever I could afford to give. Is this how a person is supposed to return someone else’s kindness? By jumping in with someone else’s ex right after the breakup? Please do not tell me that two individuals could hold hands as friends without feelings for one another. It’s just another mask to hide the fact that she has already lost the love for me a long time ago. *sigh* I guess this is just life being life. There are ups and downs, straight roads and bends to make it even more interesting. I’m really sorry to say that I’ve almost completed the most important step to take after a breakup. Getting over her. It wasn’t easy turning my heart into stone and my emotions blank. I used to be much cheerful back then but because of my friends around me, I have learnt to express my feelings better with that wide, cheesy and toothy grin of mine together with oozing sincerity. I’ve always given her that smile to let her know that I was fine but now, I can only manage enough strength to just produce a tiny and weak grin whenever I see her. People always tell me, there are other bigger fishes in the wide ocean. Well, I used to think that I’ve already caught the best and the biggest I could ever find. I guess I’m just another one of her stepping stones whose love vanished like a candle in the wind. Hot and passionate at the start but when a strong gust came along, everything was lost in just a blink of an eye. May God bless her and everyone around her.  To that girl, live your life to the fullest and as long as you’re happy, I’ll be happy for you as well. The moment this sentence ends, I promise you, from today onwards, the feeling in me will die and I will be sure to dispose of it so that I will no longer be tormented by my memories of us throughout the 2 years. 

Yours sincerely,
Isaiah of the future.